Thursday, November 30, 2006

self-discipline

Conversation with self:

"I'm really hungry."
"It's 4 in the morning."
"I know, but I really want some pizza."
"Absolutely not."
"But my tummy hurts!"
"No it doesn't. Stop being a spoiled brat."
"I'm hungryyyyy!"
"Shut up & go to bed already. Why are you still up at this hour? There's nothing on tv anymore. & you know eating late is bad for your voice."
"Please?"
"No. You have to get up early & go to the gym. You can eat after that."
"Pffff. Fine."

I'm trying to lose the pound I gained because my family thinks the more you eat the better.

busy day & pretty new shoes

Today was a very busy day of strenuous exercise, dance, voice lesson & errands. I left my house around 10:30 to get to the gym & got home at about 7, so it was like a full day of work. I'm also extremely sore all over from the conditioning classes I've been punishing myself with (missed exercise entirely last week), which means that I walk a bit stiffly & squeak in pain when trying to sit down. The teachers really love thigh work.

My voice lesson went very well - my teacher has me learning Whitney Houston's "I Have Nothing", among other songs. I'm supposed to listen & sing it exactly the way she does, down to every note of every riff. Today he exclaimed happily, "In one month you went from white girl licks to black girl licks!!" I don't always know what I'm listening for but I guess my ear knows.

After my lesson I walked by Columbus Circle & noticed that Stuart Weitzman is having a sale. Against my better judgment, I went in to browse, & was seduced by these shoes:


Aren't they gorgeous? They're the same patent leather shoe, just different colors. I ended up buying both, because I couldn't bear to leave either behind. I will have to cut back on food in December but you know what, I had a good lesson despite being sick half this month, I had to deal with my mother all last week & I've had several sessions recently so I think a little indulgence is ok.

movie reviews

I saw two good movies over Thanksgiving: Transporter II & Happy Feet. Transporter II was really fun & just a great action movie, pure & simple. The lingerie-clad femme fatale assassin (Kate Nauta) was a major bonus - her Uzis were sexy too. & Jason Statham kicking ass in a tuxedo is a delicious sight. He's so serious & efficient, like a handsome white Jet Li. There are certainly some incongruities, like his Audi's pristine condition no matter what he puts it through, but this is action eye candy & those are niggling details.

Happy Feet was so good! Live penguins, of course, are almost unbearably cute, & CGI penguins are even more so. (None of them are dirty or scarred or anything.) The way they arranged the songs made me want to sing along, & the story was heart-wrenching. I hear some people think it's about how gays are marginalized, or a veiled political commentary, but I think it's more general. It's about young people who think of a new way to do things, & old people who want to stay with the tried-&-true rituals. But above all it's an incredibly fun movie, although it will probably make you cry, & is definitely not just for kids.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Rihanna is a dumbass

OK, that's not quite fair, as I'm not sure who wrote the lyrics to her song Unfaithful. But it's more fun ragging on her so I'm going with that. What the hell is the problem? You want to stop cheating? Break up with his pathetic ass! Either stop fucking around or just be honest with yourself & go out with other guys. I don't see why he's still with you. & you certainly have an inflated opinion of yourself, thinking he's going to die without you. Obviously you don't love him that much if you keep doing other guys while "trying" to stop. You can call it whatever you like, but cheating is cowardly - you're unhappy & looking for satisfaction elsewhere, & instead of being an adult & talking to your man about it, you just quietly disrespect him.

This song pisses me off so much because the melody is gorgeous. Rihanna's voice sounds almost as sexy as she looks but the lyrics totally ruin it for me.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

I'm back

I have safely returned from my family's clutches... finally got to play tennis today. Hopefully Brooklyn Hottie - or someone at all - & I can find time to play here too. I'm exhausted after the tennis & 2 hours (conditioning & dance) at the gym, so I'll post more later. It's good to be in civilization again!

Friday, November 24, 2006

trapped in tennis land

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Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Rashomon

I just watched Rashomon today. I know we are supposed to worship it as this amazing Kurosawa classic but I really didn't like it. Let me admit up front that I don't know much of the context, or anything Kurosawa may or may not be quoting. I don't think that should matter though - when a movie is good it draws you in & makes you think & feel, regardless of when or where it's from.

The movie did interest me on the intellectual level, with its issues of what truth is & how you can decide what to believe. As a lawyer, I frequently think about that, since we deal in many versions of the truth that are all just different ways of looking at the same facts. I tried to understand everyone's motivation to figure out what the truth really was, which was complicated by my uncertainty about the mores of early 20th century Japan. My best guess was that the bandit exaggerated to make himself look good. The woman tried to protect the bandit by taking responsibility for her husband's murder. The husband was vengeful & wanted his wife to look as bad as possible. The peasant (or fisherman or whatever) wanted to enjoy the drama a bit. So I think the real story is along these lines: the bandit rapes the woman. At some point she decides she likes his "passion" better than her proper, traditional marriage. The husband realizes this & now looks at her with total contempt. She sees that her honor is stained unless he dies. The bandit kills him, either honorably or not, but now that he has no competition he rejects her too. She escapes from him somehow & they are all so stupid they end up at the courthouse.

I didn't find the story very convincing. The bandit & the wife in the last story laugh maniacally & disturbingly. Why are they deranged? If they aren't, why does Kurosawa have them laugh like that? Is that how Japanese people laughed then? Because I don't think anyone would consider it sane. What was Kurosawa referencing or trying to convey by making the woman's hands look spider-like every time she was raped or seduced? If he's trying to compare her to a black widow spider, the bandit is superfluous. I also don't see why the husband was so easily overpowered. He looks like a samurai, certainly more with it than the half-naked bandit, & it makes no sense that he could be tied up so easily & just sit there quietly watching his wife assaulted. Ropes aren't that hard to wriggle out of, especially ones that look as loose as his. I violently disagree with the way everyone in the movie accepts the viewpoint that once raped, the wife is dishonored & a whore, but I'm aware that's how they thought back then. Why do the husband & bandit keep falling down? They're running around in the woods on leaves & dirt, not in sand or mud. That almost turned it into a bad comedy for me. & in the last version, why is the bandit so tired from defeating the husband that he can't catch a small crying woman wrapped in tons of flowing clothes? Supposedly he is a terrifying criminal who preys on many travelers & I'm expected to believe that he can't feint with an incompetent opponent for 5 minutes without collapsing.

I also have Throne of Blood out from Netflix. I really hope it's better than this one.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Jon Fasman - The Geographer's Library

Not much time & many errands - was so caught up in what would happen next that I had to finish this book, & I highly recommend it. It's an enthralling story & though a bit confusing at the beginning with so many different strands of story, it rewards persistence. Basically it alternates between the present day, where a journalist investigates the slightly suspicious death of an engimatic small-town professor, & the past where several characters collect interesting objects in cold-blooded, frightening ways. The young journalist is a bit dense from the omnipotent reader's point of view, but that actually made it more realistic for me. If he'd caught on too quickly I would find it glib. I'm off to the library now for more booty. Let's hope I'll have enough reading material to get through nearly a week with my family.

interesting weekend

Sorry for the lack of posts... I've been busy working & partying. I started doing liquor promotions for a couple top-shelf brands, I've had 3 sessions with the same client since Wednesday (apparently I am a "genius" at his fetish), & I've gone out every night until dawn while still exercising every day. Hmmm. In retrospect, I probably should have stayed home some nights. Oh well. Thursday night I went out with some girls who weren't cute enough to get into Cain's 2 year anniversary party, so for the first time ever, I was ruthless & ditched them. I felt terribly guilty, since I've never ditched anyone before, but we're not that close & I made up a pretty good cover story. I'm going to make sure that situation doesn't come up again though. Friday I hung out with Brooklyn Hottie & then I was bad & ate very very late at Popburger with Resto Manager. (I've disciplined myself out of eating late at night, because it makes one fat & increases the chances of acid reflux.) He is incredibly sweet & I think maybe he could be a good boyfriend.

Saturday I spent most of the day with Jewish Princess, who is a sweetie but absolutely the definition of a trust fund baby. We got our night started a bit too early - really shouldn't have taken E before dinner, as it stole our appetites - but you know me, I'm the Energizer bunny when it comes to parties. She went home after the 1st club & I continued on to this hookah lounge on the west side to hang out with one of my exes, Fledgling Magazine Mogul. I thought he was over me but apparently we are not just friends yet. I was cruel & let Tech Exec & his friend come get me, although in my defense, I was rolling out of my mind & barely remember much of FMM's earnest pleas to give him another chance. TE & friend & I dropped by Cielo & I subsequently slept with TE, despite intentions to the contrary, also a result of the E. It was pretty hot, actually. We sat around chatting & destroying brain cells line by line until I went to dance class at noon. The rest of the day was spent snuggling/fucking/sleeping on TE's giant sofa.

Oh, in case anyone is keeping track, Handsome Young Guy has been out of the picture for about a month & a half. No badmouthing - I just believed his intentions were better than they were. On the one hand I miss having a boyfriend, but I think that my ex & HYG burned me pretty badly & I'm kind of gun-shy right now. (Cue Beyoncé's "Irreplaceable", my new song obsession: "I can have another you by tomorrow / So don't you ever for a second get to thinking you're irreplaceable.") There are a couple guys in the picture, & hopefully the Girlfriend will be around more when she finishes school in a few months. Brooklyn Hottie is lots of fun too. I don't know, I just don't really take girls seriously for romantic relationships. The girls I "date" are bi anyway so it's not like we're really going to run off to NJ & get married. That's not to say that I wouldn't, I just haven't met that girl yet.

This has been your update in my crazy life. I'll be in Florida with my family for the rest of this week so I might not post any. Happy turkey day, everyone!

P.S. This is the 100th post - hooray. :)

Thursday, November 16, 2006

fun night

I've had 3 sessions in 4 days. I guess men need discipline before the holidays. Or maybe it's just the sight of me in leather - yesterday's slave told me he loved me about 5 times. Wasn't sure what to say to that. Yay for me & yay for my bank, since I always put my cash away. My stripper friends keep telling me to put it somewhere safe at home but fuck that & holla at my HSBC 5% savings account. (Am I using that phrase correctly? I don't like hollering at things anyway. I'm an ex-classical musician, we protect our ears.) Besides, I pay exorbitant taxes on my lawyer earnings so I figure I'm ok throwing some undeclared cash in the bank.

I had a doctor's appointment & tough dance class before my session at 9. Hung out with Dancer & some of her friends afterwards... there was Gansevoort rooftop partying with yummy food, Home dancing, & Scores West lap teases. They played Sexyback at Home, so you know I got my sexy on with this cute guy friend of Dancer's, Resto Manager. There aren't many activities that can top shaking my ass on turbo for someone who appreciates it, especially since I can bellydance. (That's right, Asian Shakira is in the house.) Also the stripper hair toss with my super-long hair - the trick is to flip your hair up immediately & slowly, seductively, let the rest of you follow. Oooooh & Scores was really fun! This Korean-Japanese stripper took a shine to me &... let's just say the boys got quite a show. :) I got a dance from this smokin' hot Russian chick too but she had her eye on business more & I wasn't comfortable recklessly spending other people's money. We checked out Bungalow 8 afterwards. RM & I had fun dancing & dipping me. Now I am home, a bit tipsy, blogging before I forget how much fun I had tonight. Time to quit while I'm ahead? You betcha.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

help! I'm clicking & I can't stop!

I can't stop playing Minesweeper. I don't know what it is. I was obsessed with Freecell for a while but now I'm back to defusing bombs. I think I might get carpal tunnel but I can't stop trying to beat my times. I waste so much time procrastinating on it! I know I could make a program that would lock me out automatically after a set period of time but I want to fix the underlying problem. I'm not sure what I'm avoiding. Cleaning the apartment? (It is not a mess, just dusty & could be slightly better organized. I am a neat freak, after all.) Furthering my careers? I think I like the rigorous logic & order of the game. There aren't any fuzzy edges as in life - either there is a bomb or there is not, & if there is then I am dead. It's really quite comforting. OK, well you know why I'm up this late now. *explosion*

thank you Dear Readers

I can't tell most of my friends about my blog, usually because they don't know I'm a dominatrix, & sometimes because I have many complaints about them. So it's really hard for me to build up circulation. I like to check Sitemeter & see who's been tuning in, & I always find it hilarious how many totally random people read me, even if it's just the one time. I seem to have a fan in Prague - dobrý den! - as well as someone in Fiji & a couple people in New Zealand. Also a shout-out to Future Lawyer friend who reads me faithfully, unlike some friends (yes Girlfriend, I am making a face at you). Good luck on finals both of you.

I always wanted to be a writer but found myself ripping up all the extracurricular stuff I wrote, thinking it wasn't good enough. There are probably a grand total of 4 stories that survived the carnage. This is my way of keeping my writing, thinking about stuff I read or that happens to me, & feeling like I'm connected to the world. I hope to stay entertaining - feel free to comment & ask questions, & thanks for reading!

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Saw III

Went to see this with a couple mistress friends, which was awesome because they enjoyed it as much as I did & I didn't have to pretend not to be a sadist. It is gruesome though! There were a lot of parts where I had to cover my eyes because I just could not bear to see, even though I tried to watch. I'm surprisingly squeamish. I thought the story was better than Saw II - the characters were less annoying & there are a ton of twists that untangle at the end & you go, "Ohhhh that's why..." Seriously, it is extremely gory. For instance, a guy rips out large chains deeply embedded in his flesh by himself & you see the blood pouring down - watched that through my fingers - & another guy tries to saw off his foot but can't so he bashes it repeatedly with some metal board until it's broken enough for him to pull it out of the shackle. Oh my god that part I couldn't even watch. In general, though, it wasn't too preachy & made me think about if I actually appreciate my own life. I bet Jigsaw would come after me if he were real - I guess I'm pretty lucky & I kinda take everything for granted. Thank goodness he's imaginary! I don't think I could do anything disgusting or horrifically painful to save myself, as that would demand a commitment to surviving that I doubt I have. So yeah, it's fun, go watch if you have the stomach for it.

Sunday, November 12, 2006

happy Saturday

I spent all day with Tech Exec. We had brunch at Blue Water Grill - we got the Shellfish Castle, which was fantastic - 4 whole tiers of shellfish. I love seafood & he loves seafood & we finished every last oyster. Then we walked around shopping a bit, & saw Babel. Since everyone & their dog has reviewed this movie, I will just say that I am kind of ashamed of being an American, the way they behaved in the film, & it is really sad in many places. I also felt terrible for the deaf Japanese girl. Then we snuggled at his house for a couple hours as I blocked his advances. I mean I like him, but I'm not ready to be intimate. Also his friends told me he's a total player so I don't want to sleep with him & get myself all emotional about him unless it seems like he's going to be serious about me. It was a really fun day though.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

tonight

Tonight I will be partying with Hedge Funder & his friends & Brooklyn Hottie... very much looking forward to it. I haven't seen BH since I met her on Halloween though we've chatted over text. HF took me to Mercer Kitchen last night because I wanted steak & he lives in Soho. We had a nice talk about relationships & stuff & I discovered that he actually wants to date me, not just fool around. We haven't done anything but he tries, & I thought he just wanted to score. It was nice to find out that he's really into me. & oh my god the food was so good. I'd been there before a couple times in my banker days, & I don't remember it being that fantastic. We had the shrimp salad & crabcake appetizers, which were amazing, then I had the NY strip & he got the lamb chops. I almost thought I died & went to heaven. So that was a very good date. & I expect to have a super crazy night tonight. :)

Tuesday, November 07, 2006

I'm so sleepy

I really need better (or any, actually) drugs to keep up this lifestyle. Friday, Saturday & Sunday I was partying very late & up early every day while running around during the day so no time for naps. This is on top of working in Jersey full-time & working out for at least 2 hours when I finally get back to the city. Once I'm home I still have to practice if it's not too late & make dinner. I end up only getting 5 hours of sleep on a good night. I am so psyched for this project to be over at the end of the week so I can just curl up in bed & SLEEP for a long time.

Monday, November 06, 2006

you know you're fabulous when...

hot gay guys come up to you at a super crowded club & tell you how fucking awesome you are. That was Sunday night at Hiro - totally made my week.

Friday, November 03, 2006

yucky subway perv

Yesterday it was super packed on the train. This tall guy put his hand on my back to steady me when the train lurched, which was weird. & then as we were all squished up together, he positioned himself so as to maximize his frontal contact with my ass. I kept shifting around trying to get away from the possible bulge in his jeans. No dice, he shifted right along with me. He was basically spooning me upright for at least 5 minutes (we were on the express train). There were a few layers in between us so I'm not sure if he was actually hard, but I was trying my utmost not to find out. I think he was even attempting to talk to me. At the next stop I moved to the opposite door & he followed me! & again put his hand squarely on my back to catch me when the train swerved. Thank goodness enough people had gotten off that he had no excuse to press himself against my poor ass.

Thursday, November 02, 2006

less food = more life?

This week both New York magazine & the Times have articles about calorie restriction (CR). Its premise - which may be supported by research, they're not sure yet - is that drastically reducing one's caloric intake, while still getting enough vitamins, can significantly prolong life. I find the NY mag article better because the writer actually tried the diet & spent time with people who have made it their lifestyle. By the end, he implies that he was a bit delusional & had completely lost sight of his standards for good food. One of the really fascinating points had to do with CR devotees' hope that science will keep finding new ways to prolong life quickly enough to keep them alive indefinitely. They call that reaching actuarial escape velocity, "that moment in the acceleration of biomedical progress when, for every year you live, technology adds another year or more to your maximum life span." Which is a really interesting idea, but also makes me wonder if such a life is worth living. Sure, keeping yourself in a state of near-starvation will make food taste amazing & produce a low level of constant euphoria (although that can be problematic too), but you'd give up all yummy food. You might also be cold all the time & have no stamina or sex drive. I'm not sure the tradeoff is worth it.

The Times had an article about the benefits of red wine which also addressed the CR diet. Red wine has a substance called resveratrol which can suppress the bad effects of a high calorie diet. Basically it mimics what happens to someone who follows CR, but scientists are not quite sure how it does that. That's really exciting though - maybe soon we can have the benefits of not eating very much while still eating whatever we want. I can't wait for that pill.

yummy Thai

Went to this organic Thai place, Tigerland, with the Girlfriend last night (she's on an organic/everything natural kick). It was awesome! A bit pricy, considering we were in the East Village, but the service was very attentive, the food was wow, & I really liked the ambience. I got the shaking beef which was so good I ate every last bite of it & wished there was more, though it was already a decent-sized plate. The GF got a slightly fatty Berkshire pork chop which was amazingly tender & moist. The shrimp cake & spring roll appetizers were also very good. The Thai tea cupcake was incredibly yummy. All in all, my pleasantest experience with organic food ever.

don't squish me!!

On the train this morning I was sitting quietly, trying to read & not fall asleep (but failing) as I do every day, when a very fat man came towards me. When he turned around to sit down he was so big I thought he would sit on me! Fortunately he had good aim & sat in the next seat. A few seconds later another large male, species Sumo, plopped into the seat next to me. I was a comatose sardine for the next 15 minutes.

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

today's outfit

Having dinner with the Girlfriend tonight - I don't think I've seen her in about a month. It'll be good to reconnect, we've both been so busy & stressed out. I'm wearing the little booties Fashionista "lent" me with a Dolce & Gabbana skirt & little black top. Today at work my deskmate is joking that everyone has whiplash from doing a double take at my beautiful black boots. You can judge for yourself when I get home & take some pictures.

punk-ass bothersome client

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