Just finished this book by Gavin de Becker. It's about how fear & our intuition tell us things, but we've forgotten how to listen. It's not as foofy as that sounds. He starts with examples where people had a bad feeling & ignored it & awful things really did happen, like a woman who reluctantly let a guy help her carry groceries into her apartment & ended up assaulted & almost murdered, because she didn't realize what her intuition was telling her at first. De Becker moves on to show how people's behavior gives clear indications of what they're going to do, & it's a matter of whether we choose to pay attention. He discusses ever-increasing levels of danger, from creepy dates through domestic violence to assassination attempts. The last chapter talks about when we should listen to our fears. There certainly is such a thing as worrying needlessly, & once we understand what it is we're really afraid of we can evaluate those fears & live much more calmly.
My favorite chapter was about people (men especially) who won't take no for an answer. I love that he laid it out clearly. "Stalking... is a crime of power, control, and intimidation very similar to date rape. In fact, many cases of date stalking could be described as extended rapes; they take away freedom, and they honor the desires of the man and disregard the wishes of the woman." We are allowed to simply say no! I can't believe something so fundamental has escaped me for so long. From what my girl friends have said, I think a lot of women think this way - we feel we must be nice & let guys down easy & give them excuses for why we don't want to see them. That is actually counterproductive, according to de Becker. Anything except "No, I am not interested & I will never be" just gives that kind of persistent guy the wrong idea. It's so simple & yet so foreign to American society. I am incredibly glad I read this book before it was too late.
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